I need to get a few things off of my chest and this is my perfect forum to do it. I highly doubt many people will read it but here goes.
My name is Teresa… and believe it or not, I am a human being and I actually have value. I have likes and dislikes. I have a past, present, and future. There are things that matter to me, and things I am interested in. I have a heart, and I want to trust people. I want to believe people are as good as they are, and not have to question whether they are lying or not.
So what am I getting at? I AM NOT A FUCKING HUMAN PLACEHOLDER! I do not exist to take the place of other people’s friends simply to be discarded when you are done with me. I was never employed as a seat holder like on the Emmy’s or Grammy’s or the like.
This is a position I seem to be repeatedly placed in and I am fuck tired of it. I deserve to have people who want me in their lives other than to be a sounding board when the goings get tough. I have absolutely no problem being a shoulder to cry on, none. I would go to the ends of the earth for the people I call friends. Those who truly know me know they can call anytime, day or night, whether it means getting no sleep when the critter gets up in the morning or not.
If I am not good enough to be your friend when things are good, I am certainly not going to be person to pick up the pieces later. If you talk about me behind my back, it makes you even more fucking pathetic. How cool are you hanging out with a person that you trash?
I may be a lot of things but I am not worthless. I may not be pretty and I may not be popular. I won’t be at every Broadway show or every gig or every concert. But here is my reality… I don’t NEED to be.. I don’t NEED to measure my worth in the shows I see, the gigs I go to, who I know, or how many friends I have. I see the shows I see and am involved because I WANT to be not because I NEED to be. It’s not a status thing for me. I have always been perfectly happy being the girl from Philly who loved the things she loved alone. Even if I never spoke to another friend about theater or music, or movies or whatever, I would still love them just the same because they are my passion regardless of who is involved. Hobbies are just that, hobbies. They aren’t the way I measure my life.
I’m sort of glad the herd is starting to thin itself. It makes me care more about the people that matter, and to not worry about those who don’t. I am worth something. I am worth something to a lot of people. I have a family that loves me, good friends that don’t take me for granted, a son who is the most beautiful child I have ever seen, and a husband who I want to slap clear upside the head but I have him. I am loved, and I am not alone.
I am Teresa, and for the love of God, I am worth something.
